The following was in The Patriot-News July 23 and was written by John Campanelli of The Cleveland Plain Dealer. Mr. Campanelli gives a humorous yet factual look at the big-business of hands-free parenting. This is an edited excerpt from his original article.
Surrogate Mom: You'll have to pay agency fees, medical expenses, compensation to the mother, and legal fees. Estimated cost: $60,000
Wet Nurse: There is a staffing agency in California that offers wet nurses for hire. Yep, your wet nurse will need a salary, room and board, expenses and airfare...for a year. Conservative estimated cost: $50,000
Child-proofing expert: Estimated cost for your 10,000 square-foot house, $2,500
Potty Training: Send your child to Booty Camp in Illinois where Miss Wendy promises to potty train you kid in just 5 hours and boasts a 94 percent success rate. Cost for Booty Camp is $200. Add in airfare, accommodations and transportation and you're looking at $900.00
Governess: Unlike a nanny, a governess is required to have a 4-year-degree in addition to domestic training and certification. She'll set you back at least $60,000/year. Add in room and board, health insurance and a fill-in for two weeks' paid vacation and you're looking at $80,000 for 8 years. Cost: $640,000.Boarding School: Annual tuition plus airfare and spending money will $50,000 a year. Ten-year total: $500,000.
Summer Camp: Nothing welcomes a kid back from nine months at school like an airline ticket to 11 weeks of summer camps. Ten summers of fun: $170,000
Personal Coaching: Aresh Mohit in NYC will teach your kid to ride his bike, swim, ice skate and more. His rates are $75 an hour plus expenses. A day of coaching in your town? Around $1,000.
Sbopping: Hire a personal shopper to do the back-to-school shopping for you. At $50 an hour, over the course of 18 years, expect to pay close to $13,500.
Food: Let a private, live-in chef worry about cutting the crusts off the PBJ. Expect to pay about $125,000 a year, not counting groceries.
Etiquette and Manners: After your child wipes away the tears because you're not at the dinner table again, you'll want to make sure that napkin is returned to the lap. For $125 an hour, an etiquette consultant will teach your child the rules of spoon selection, eye contact and politeness. Cost $875.
Therapy: Your kid is going to need it, lots of it. Like five-days-a-week worth. At $100 an hour, starting at age 5, rescuing your kid's well-being and self-esteem will be a bargain at $338,000.
Total: $2,798,275
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1 comment:
I wish that someone would pay me to do all those things for my kids! I'd have a lot more discretionary spending money!:)
I wandered to your blog via the Pioneer Woman and Say Anything. I always like peeking in at the lives of other moms. Come visit me at www.sleepymum.blogspot.com
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