Monday, August 06, 2007

Hands-Free Parenting

I've seen several articles lately about how more and more parents are outsourcing different aspects of parenting. If you don't have the time, but have the cash, you can find someone to teach your kid just about anything!

The following was in The Patriot-News July 23 and was written by John Campanelli of The Cleveland Plain Dealer. Mr. Campanelli gives a humorous yet factual look at the big-business of hands-free parenting. This is an edited excerpt from his original article.

Surrogate Mom: You'll have to pay agency fees, medical expenses, compensation to the mother, and legal fees. Estimated cost: $60,000

Wet Nurse: There is a staffing agency in California that offers wet nurses for hire. Yep, your wet nurse will need a salary, room and board, expenses and airfare...for a year. Conservative estimated cost: $50,000

Child-proofing expert: Estimated cost for your 10,000 square-foot house, $2,500

Potty Training: Send your child to Booty Camp in Illinois where Miss Wendy promises to potty train you kid in just 5 hours and boasts a 94 percent success rate. Cost for Booty Camp is $200. Add in airfare, accommodations and transportation and you're looking at $900.00

Governess: Unlike a nanny, a governess is required to have a 4-year-degree in addition to domestic training and certification. She'll set you back at least $60,000/year. Add in room and board, health insurance and a fill-in for two weeks' paid vacation and you're looking at $80,000 for 8 years. Cost: $640,000.

Boarding School: Annual tuition plus airfare and spending money will $50,000 a year. Ten-year total: $500,000.

Summer Camp: Nothing welcomes a kid back from nine months at school like an airline ticket to 11 weeks of summer camps. Ten summers of fun: $170,000

Personal Coaching: Aresh Mohit in NYC will teach your kid to ride his bike, swim, ice skate and more. His rates are $75 an hour plus expenses. A day of coaching in your town? Around $1,000.

Sbopping: Hire a personal shopper to do the back-to-school shopping for you. At $50 an hour, over the course of 18 years, expect to pay close to $13,500.

Food: Let a private, live-in chef worry about cutting the crusts off the PBJ. Expect to pay about $125,000 a year, not counting groceries.

Etiquette and Manners: After your child wipes away the tears because you're not at the dinner table again, you'll want to make sure that napkin is returned to the lap. For $125 an hour, an etiquette consultant will teach your child the rules of spoon selection, eye contact and politeness. Cost $875.

Therapy: Your kid is going to need it, lots of it. Like five-days-a-week worth. At $100 an hour, starting at age 5, rescuing your kid's well-being and self-esteem will be a bargain at $338,000.

Total: $2,798,275

1 comment:

Michal said...

I wish that someone would pay me to do all those things for my kids! I'd have a lot more discretionary spending money!:)
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