Thursday, March 27, 2008

Stuff Christians Like

I am loving this site. It may be because I grew up in the church, but I found absolutely all 60 of the things Christians like to be spot on. Here's the reason behind this blog:

Christians do some things really well and we do some things less than really well. But when we pretend we're perfect, people see right through it and won't believe anything else we say. And that's the point of this project. I want to be honest and upfront and hopefully a little funny about the issues the church and Christians struggle with sometimes. I want to say, "Whoa, whoa, please don't judge me or God by Christian radio." I want to admit the times we've dropped the ball on issues or ideas that people called to love their neighbor should have knocked out of the park. I want to blow up misconceptions and preconceptions about what it means to be a Christian.

These are just a few of my favorites, but I could've easily posted all 60 that are currently there.

#7. Stryper
Sure, the world may have had Led Zeppelin and Ozzy and a whole host of hard rocking, hotel room destroying musicians at their disposal, but we Christians had Stryper. And when everyone else was enjoying their "devil music rock n' roll" we could always find comfort and inspiration in the melodic stylings of "to hell with the devil" or the aptly named album, "yellow and black attack." Admit it, you owned some Stryper.

#27. Famous Christians
Although the jury is still out on Stephen Baldwin, one of our favorite things is Famous Christians. I have to admit, Scientology has kind of been kicking our butt for a few years. I mean they got Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and Giovanni Ribisi. They even got Beck, dear sweet sounding Beck. But we're not that concerned, want to know why? Because we have Bono. He's worth like 18 other normal celebrities. Seriously, he is most of the most active, productive people on the planet. I almost wouldn't be surprised if at some point he admitted that he had been cloned in the late 90s. How else can you explain his work in Africa, his concert tours and his ability to regularly put out good albums? Thank God for Bono.

#42. Putting God on your business card.
What does it mean when the painter has a Jesus fish on his business card? Should I think that means he's going to be really trustworthy? Or maybe detailed and passionate about his work? Is there some scene in the Bible where Jesus does a really good job painting someone's two story great room? Because that's what I'm looking for right now, just a normal painter that has workers that don't have those jail tattoos that mean they've killed someone. Is that what the cross on the side of his painting van means? Very little chance of getting murdered during the course of the project? So many questions and so few answers.

Some of my favorite businesses are Christian, but they tell you that through their actions not their business cards. The worst time I ever got ripped off was by a super loud, formerly church-employed Christian. Whenever someone tries to validate someone's quality by saying, "He'll do a great job, he's a Christian," my first thought is, "I am screwed."

#50. Bible Fanny Packs.
Boy, we love outfitting our Bibles with "fanny packs." I'm talking about those covers we put on them with zippers and pockets and velcro and straps and pencil holders and mesh nets and handles and whoa some of these Bibles have nicer jackets than I do. Sometimes when I'm at church I'll see people with those and they always open them like they're fooling around with some sort of transformer robot. Parts and pieces are elevating out of secret compartments, rulers are appearing out of nowhere, little notebooks are materializing out of thin air. It's amazing.


Hands-Free Heart said...

I admit it... I owned the RECORD "To Hell With The Devil". In fact, my youth group held a lip-sync contest, and one of the "bands" was four girls performing as "Strypette". It wasn't hard in the 80's to find the clothes to imitate such a fashionable band!

Hands-Free Heart said...

Ooo... I just remembered that I have pictures of "Strypette" performing!

Click here for a good laugh!

Classic MaMa said...

Oh my goodness! This is hilarious. Can't type..still myself.

Not-So-Classic Husband said...

I'm sure none of you have ever heard of the band Atomic Opera, but they have a song called "Jesus Junk" which speaks of this very thing. Due to copyright laws, I will not upload an mp3 of the song. But let me sum it up with a line from the song:

"They'll know we're Christians by our love...of junk."

Great post!!

The Gang's All Here! said...

Great post - mostly. No jury out on Stephen Baldwin. I'm tellin ya, you gotta read his book. Outrageous and edgy, maybe. Probably why I <3 him.

Other than that, this cracks me up. I'll have to check the site out soon.

Melissa said...

Do we really have Bono?

I'd like to think so, but I used to be an avid U2 fan and he got a little provactive there for awhile so I stopped listening.