More Stuff Christians Like

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#69. Saving seats at church.
God hates people that save seats at church. I know, he's made of love or is love or invented love, but I'm pretty confident that when he's up in heaven playing Frisbie golf with Elijah or Elisha (I always forget which one plays) I think he looks down at us and just thinks, "Ugh, I hate people that save seats."

You want to know why he feels that way? Because he knows how silly it is to try to reach people, to try to get people to come to your church, to desperately court visitors from your town only to stiff arm them when they try to sit down. Have you ever thought about that? We want people to come visit, just not in that seat. And at my church this is epidemic. I see people saving like a dozen seats at a time. I don't really even like a dozen people but these people know 12 folks that are late and need you to put a bulletin on a chair? The whole thing is bogus. (Unless you're saving seats for visitors of course. Then the whole post doesn't make sense.)

#66. Eating your body weight in goldfish in Sunday School.
Years from now when my kids are older, they'll probably think of sweet baby Jesus whenever they even smell a goldfish cracker. I'm sure this is a kid thing, not just a Christian thing, but on about 51 Sundays of the year, that's what they have for snack.

And at our church, if your kid cries a ton, before they flash their number on the video screen in the sanctuary asking you to do the "my kid is out of control" walk of shame, they put them in a wagon and stuff them with goldfish. It's like this little red wagoned parade of wailing in the halls. Eyes streaming tears, mouth full of fish, tiny hands clutching the side of the wagon counting the minutes until a parent can come rescue them. Good times.

#47. Rooting for secret Christians on American Idol.
My wife loves this girl named Brooke on American Idol. But it's not that she thinks she's a particularly good singer or that she's in possession of gobs and gobs of talent. The reason she likes her, the reason that so many Christians across the country dig her? She seems Christian. The key word in that sentence is "seems."

She hasn't said that she is but at one point she admitted she had never gone to an R rated movie. Is that a reason to vote for her in a singing competition? Maybe not, but we love to pull for Christians.

Love your neighbor? Sure. Vote for cute little David the Mormon instead of the possible believer Brooke? You'll have to convince my wife.

Update: A reader sent me an article where Brooke talked about being a Mormon. When asked for comment, my wife said, "Let's go root for someone on Top Chef."

More Stuff Christians Like

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