I've been struggling lately with where I am at. Literally. Part of why I have chosen to write so much about Enjoying the Journey, is because I have so deeply struggled with the journey that I am on. On the outside I think our life looks eventful, fun, full of craziness, but full of good stuff. And it is. It really is a good life.
On the inside, my heart is grieving. I feel suffocated many days of my life. I feel like the person who God created me to be is stuck in a box. No matter how many times I think I see light and I am getting close to breaking out of the box and the real me is finally able to emerge, something seems to just shove it back in there.
One day, I found myself tired of the constant tug of war that was going on in my heart. I realized that despite the fact that much of what we've been taught and shown here was not what I was looking for or desiring God DOES have us here. No matter how many times, I have asked Him, He has not released us. The choice was clear, either continue to walk this season of our lives out with joy or not.
Which is why I have been working so hard at choosing to find the joy in each day of this journey.
Yesterday was a hard day for me... that's the truth. It was. The tug of war in my heart of who I am, who God created me to be versus what we are currently learning and walking through hit home in a flood of tears ~ literally. Sometimes we have to walk through seasons of our lives that are hard in order to know even more who God created us to be.
Imagine with me for just one moment.... I'm standing on a roof of a house in Ecuador (just because) and I'm yelling at the top of my lungs to anyone who cares but especially to our God, the following:
"You created me to LOVE. You created me to DESIRE TO LIVE IN OTHER NATIONS. You created me to GIVE TO THE NEEDY. You created me to TEACH OTHERS ABOUT YOU. You created me to LOVE. You created me to SHARE LIFE WITH OTHERS. You created me to BE AN AWESOME, INCREDIBLE, FUN, CREATIVE MOM. You created me to BE LOVED. You created me to BUILD AND REBUILD. You created me to LOVE. You created me this way.... now, please, please let me be me."
Becky can be found at Enjoying the Journey
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2 comments:
With the exception of living in a different country, I think you are already doing all those things listed in the last paragraph.
You are already living out who He created you to be...it just may look different than you expected for the moment.
Enjoy this time, learn from this time, embrace this time and especially the difficult times b/c these are the times that are preparing you for the next step of your journey. Without this step, the next step would be impossible.
Thanks for sharing from your heart something that many of us probably struggle with - I know I do. You are farther ahead of me in being sure of what you are created to do, of which I am just starting to get glimpses.
For myself, it can take a lot of energy to find the joy some days. It helps if I can remember to let the Lord put His joy in me instead of trying to summon it up from within me. I pray He will surround you with peace and joy today.
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