Thursday, May 01, 2008

Dennis, Junior and Giant Foods

The spot on ABC27 with Dennis Buterbaugh will air during the 5:00 news tonight, but before we watch that I thought you'd like a little peek behind the scenes of what took place today. One of these titles would probably be appropriate:

"How Junior Boosted Giant Food's Profits by 300%"
"How Junior Landed His Mother in Jail on Child Endangerment Charges"
"Why My Best Friend will be Receiving Calls from Several Hundred Angry Moms Tonight"

Really, any of those titles would work. But first a little back story. Last week I wrote this post about my love for Giant's new home shopping service. Tracy over at The Gang's All Here shared my comments with Giant's Consumer Survey Group that she is part of and that led to another Tracy contacting my from Giant's PR department asking if I'd help them with their official launch of the service with this segment on TV.

So the plan was that Say Anything would meet me at Giant at noon and take my two kids home with her. I had watched her youngest this morning and she needed to pick up a few items, so just meeting at Giant seemed the easiest.

So I waltz in with the kids and see Chris Ware eating lunch with her kids. We shoot the breeze for a few minutes and then I walk over to hook up with PR Tracy and Dennis (Mr. Buterbaugh to the rest of yous). About that time Say Anything strolls in and I tell Dennis and Tracy that I'll be ready to roll just as soon as we switch a few car seats and get the kids in her car.

But Dennis has a better idea. Why don't I hold Junior while he's interviewing know, so moms with small children can connect with the idea that this service could make their life easier.

(obviously, Dennis has never read this blog or met Junior.)

"Sure, that's a great idea,"I say in my best fake excitement voice.

So Junior is good for about 2 minutes and then he slithers down off my lap and finds his way back to Say Anything and the small gaggle of children she is managing in the wings. I continue on with my high praise and admiration of the home shopping service and Dennis and I agree that this new great thing is the wave of the future in Central PA.

And then I look over to the peanut gallery and see that Say Anything has Junior in a death grip. Unbeknown to me, Junior did a crocodile death spiral on Say Anything and gave her a fat lip before he proceeded to roll all over the floor of the WiFi Cafe. With his eyes closed and not making a sound, she thought he was having a seizure. Oh, if only we could've been that lucky.

Now Dennis wants me to pull my car up to the pick-up area so they can tape the groceries being put in my trunk and me paying and then pulling away. Okay, this will be a piece of cake with Junior strapped into his car seat.

(Let me take a moment to say that I wasn't driving my van today. By sheer coincidence, Patty Kob borrowed my van for a field trip and gave me her car. Not a big deal except I had to put Junior in his car seat a little differently than normal--a key fact and my primary defense if I would ever find myself in a court of law.)

As soon as I get out of the car, Junior starts screaming bloody murder in the back seat. No problem, we'll just shut the car door. So we load the groceries, pay with their handy dandy handheld scanner doohickey and as I turn to get back in the car and drive off into the sunset I notice Junior has unbuckled himself. So I quickly open the door and try to slam him back into his seat and secure the belt...with him screaming the entire time.

I get in and start to put the car in gear when I notice Dennis off to the side motioning for me to put my seat belt on. Good call, Dennis! We sure wouldn't want people to think I was breaking the law by not wearing my seat belt. So I snap it in place and then pull away.

And just as I do, Junior unbuckles himself again and stands up. With the camera rolling. On his side of the car. With the camera rolling, my son is standing up in the backseat of the car. And we won't even talk about the fact Say Anything's daughter, Chicken Nugget, was also in the car with no car seat. No ma'am, not going to even mention that fact.

So I figure there are several ways this whole story can end:

1. Moms all over the mid-state will identify with the pain of taking a 2-year-old to the grocery store and will utilize the home shopping service so much that Giant Foods will triple their profits this quarter and Junior will get a lifetime supply of "yummies."

2. I'm going to get a knock on my door tonight and be hauled away for having the audacity to drive around a parking lot with my son out of his car seat. In which case, I will request that I get sent to a jail with WiFi and dark chocolate.

3. Or, irate moms and advocacy groups will track down the plates on the car I drove and call my best friend's husband all night with their rants about proper child seat safety. He'd like that.

So that's the news behind the news.

As I said my final farewells to PR Tracy and her staff, she asked if I was going to blog about the experience.


Is Giant Foods my favorite store? Is the home shopping service better than moosetracks ice cream? Could I possibly have an experience like that and not blog about it?

Oh, and Tracy, if you ever need a mom to test a new Giant Foods service like a personal chef service or to help promote The Cooking School or someone to make sure samples are indeed tasty and nutritious, you know where to find me. I'll be in cell block 7. Look for the woman in stripes.


The Gang's All Here! said...

Okay, now I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. I'm in awe of all that you went through and I wasn't even there to laugh and cry and mock you. Um, I mean, help you. :) Kudos to Say Anything and I'm sorry for what I started :) Omigosh, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard over a blog. Really, Nat, you should post some disclaimer or warning or something at the start of this one!

Classic MaMa said...

Not-So-Classic and I both got a good laugh out of this one. I suppose we won't be laughing in a year when I'm shopping from home because my huge Bubba is terrorizing others. :)

Melissa said...

oH mY wORD.

That is too funny.

Livin' Life said...

We can start our own support group. I feel your pain and am laughing at the same time. I will utterly defend you on this one.:)

ComfyDenim said...

Came over from "Gang's All Here" and I think I love you.
THANK YOU for letting anyone know what it's like to shop with a 2 year old. Or a 4 year old. *L* It's never easy, is it?

Too funny and far too true.