My neighbor has three kids that are in high school and college. She always tells me that kids don't stop having problems when they get bigger, they just get bigger problems. I'm already starting to understand what she means. Here are two "bigger problems" we've been facing lately:
1. Neighbor girl is 7 years old. She plays with both of my girls daily at her house and at our house. Her mom often invites Sparkle to go out for ice cream, go to the pool, sleep over, etc but doesn't invite Brown Sugar. To the mom, Brown Sugar is just the little sister tag-along and not really a peer or friend to neighbor girl. Brown Sugar is deeply hurt every time she is excluded because she thinks of neighbor girl as her friend just as much as Sparkle's friend. Tears, weeping and extreme sadness follow each time. Neighbor girl even tried to tell her mom that she plays with Brown Sugar alone sometimes and couldn't she do XYZ with them. The mom just laughed and said, "Yeah, when you're desperate for someone to play with." That went over well with Brown Sugar who was standing right there.
2. Yesterday, we took the family to a nearby creek to ride bikes and play in water. A man was parked next to us at the creek cooling off in the water. For whatever reason, Sparkle, who we usually can't get to talk to adults let alone make eye contact, immediately starts having a conversation with this guy about all kinds of benign stuff. He then pulls out a remote-control speed boat and entertains the kids with it, offers his boogie board and snacks. Sparkle is so excited that she has "talked to the man and he's now my friend."
Neither Jim and I said a word last night but he called me from work this morning and wanted me to talk to the girls again about strangers and what they would do if their new "friend" from the creek would pull up and want them to go with him to play with his boats again. I was
one step ahead of him and had already planned to do it.
The guy was nice enough but something was just odd about him and the way he interacted with Sparkle. He could just be a nice, harmless, slightly odd guy but without saying a word to each other, our instincts told us otherwise. I hope we never have to find out if we were right.
Isn't it sad that in today's world we have to question the motives of people? We can't let a seemingly nice guy be a nice guy. And a seemingly nice guy can't share his cool, remote-controlled boat with a couple of kids without their parents having to scrutinize his motives and actions and gestures and eye contact?
Yes, cleaning up poop and fishing various objects out of the toilet is frustrating, but I'll take those pint-sized "problems" any day compared to the stuff that's coming down the pike.
Monday, July 23, 2007
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3 comments:
We've had to have a great many conversations with Scarlett about strangers. Recently, we started to give her scenarios like "if a stanger says they lost their puppy..." I, too, am sad that I have to have these talks with my child and that we can't live in a Leave it to Beaver world of teaching our lids to help people and be kind to strangers.
Wow - my heart really goes out to Brown Sugar. If that mother wanted to say what she did - it did not have to be in front of your little girl.
The stranger thing is definitely a sad thing - but it is better to be safe than sorry, and of course you guys did the right thing.
When a "stranger" tries to talk with Brady - he will not really acknowledge them, and kind of hide or something like that. They ask "Is he shy?" My response - "No, he is cautious of new people, and I like it that way."
I have a similar problems actually with Chicken Nugget. She picks random strangers in stores to speak to. She also is extremely weepy when Noah goes to friends homes in the neighborhood and she doesn't get to go. Stretch made it clear that I need to step up to the plate and make time for Chicken Nugget to be with her friends - even when it isn't as easy as sending out the front door. It's a hard lesson. I'm also trying to have CNugget have playdates when Huckleberry does not. So, when can Brown Sugar come over??? ha ha
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